I Hate You, But I Love You
by Saber Wing
Summary: What could have been going through his head as he watched his father die by his own hand? Oneshot, one of two.


_**Author's Note: **_Hey, readers! I want to warn you one more time that if you haven't seen the end of Final Fantasy X yet, you might not want to read this, spoilers are involved, as I have already told you in the summary. I added a few of my own touches here and there, but all of the actual dialog from the game that is typed here is exact. Oh, yeah (Author sighs dramatically). I don't own any of the characters of Final Fantasy X, blah…blah…blah. Anyway, on with the story, I hope you enjoy this!

**I Hate You (But I Love You)**

**By: Angel Wings-008**

_I'm coming for you Jecht._

Those were his thoughts as they stood, fearfully anticipating the coming battle. With Sin. With Jecht. His father, though he regretted it.

_Is that so true anymore?_

He had to believe that it was. For the sake of Spira, Yuna, and the Fayth's eternal rest, he had to do this. There was no turning back now.

No one wanted to move, barely dared to breathe as the heat of tension, battle, and unease became thick and suffocating to Tidus's constricted lungs, which felt as if they were filled with gravel. The somber silence that went on was reflected in every face, present in every heart. Words were no longer needed between them, for they all knew what must be done. Yuna gazed into his face, worry and apprehension clouding her beautiful emerald and sapphire eyes. He forced a reassuring smile and she returned it, somewhat comforted.

And so they walked forward, each step Tidus took seemed heavier than the last, while the knot in his chest grew larger and _larger._

_Why is this so hard? I didn't think it would be. I hate him, I hate him!_

…_But you love him._ Something whispered at the back of his mind. He did his best to block it, didn't want to think it solely because he couldn't afford to, not now. He had to hate him.

They approached the farthest edge of the cavern and a figure came into sight, standing as if expecting someone. It seemed unreal, but Tidus actually got to see the man he hadn't even glimpsed in over ten years, memories aside of course. He stood with his arms crossed over his broad chest, his back to them. He must have heard their approach; no doubt he did, but he was silent for what seemed to Tidus like an eternity. Finally, he spoke, shattering the eerie silence.

"You're late Auron," Jecht murmured quietly.

Auron nodded slightly, replied to his friend with, "I know."

Now Jecht turned around, scanning the group until he found who he was looking for. Their eyes locked onto each other; Tidus studied his father, and realized that physically, he hadn't changed a bit, except for the look in his eyes. Eyes that had once been filled with mischief and almost childish joy were now hardened and hollow. A sad change from what they had once been.

_That shouldn't surprise me. He is Sin_, Tidus thought with a little bit of cynicism.

Jecht studied his son from head to toe, and Tidus couldn't help but be pleased by his father's amazement.

"Hey," said Jecht, the ghost of a smile flitting across his face.

"Hi," the young guardian replied, not able to think of anything else to say.

"Hah. You got tall but you're all bones," Jecht chuckled softly at his attempt at a joke. "You eating right, boy?"

Tidus knew he was just trying to make this a little easier by teasing him subtly, he could see it in his eyes. However, he said nothing, unable to swallow over the lump in his throat.

Jecht's hardened eyes softened a bit. "You've really grown."

Tidus thought hard, struggling to find something to say, searching through his anguished and muddled brain.

"Yeah, but you're still bigger." Even before it was out of his mouth, he knew how dumb it sounded. _Why do I always sound like an idiot around him, even to this day?_

"I am Sin you know." More chuckling from Jecht, trying to seem like his carefree old self, or so it seemed to Tidus.

"That's not funny." It was bad enough that he knew his dear old dad was Sin, but hearing it was even worse.

The half smile on Jecht's tired face faded, and after an awkward silence he began to speak, stumbling over his words as he did so. "Well...I mean...you know. Let's end this."

_Say it now, and believe it!_

"Dad?"

His father looked at him, "Yeah?"

"I hate you!" he blurted out. _Believe it,_ he begged himself silently.

Jecht gave a laugh, a humorless one, but a laugh nevertheless. What was that in his eyes? Regret, remorse, sadness?

_Don't think about it._

"I know, I know. You know what you have to do."

"Yeah." _So understanding and reassuring. Why couldn't he have done that when we still had the chance to get along?_

Jecht spoke in a steady voice, calm and collected, or at least trying to appear to be. "I can't hear the hymn so well anymore. Pretty soon I'm gonna be Sin, completely. I'm glad you're here now." He gazed at his son lovingly, with tenderness that broke Tidus's heart.

_It's so hard to ignore._

He felt the sting of tears behind his eyes, but couldn't let them out. _I can't take this anymore._

"One thing though… once it starts, I won't be myself anymore. I won't be able to hold myself back. I'm sorry." Jecht's eyes were heartbreakingly sad, and the pain of a cruel ten years was raw in them. Eyes that had seen too much in their time as they always watched on, powerless to stop a never ending onslaught, which was all his own doing.

"That's enough!" He couldn't listen to it anymore. "Let's end this, okay?"

Jecht nodded, seemed to understand. "You're right." Without another word, his father turned and walked away, stopping when he was far enough away from them. That tough exterior returned once more, and he shouted out. "Well then, let's go!" Jecht unleashed his power, astoundingly white light exploded in his chest as the apocalypse that was his transformation began. He stumbled back toward the cliff, looking as if he would fall any second.

Time seemed to slow for Tidus, who was too shocked to care that he was afraid for him, cared what happened to the man he supposedly hated.

"No!" he yelled, sprinting toward the cliff, terror burning deep inside him. Jecht just stared sadly back at him, the beast within him awakening as he fell out of sight.

_What's gonna happen now?_

Just as he was puzzling it out, he had too no longer. A massive hand slammed onto the edge of the cliff, claws unbelievably huge protruded from the fingers as they pulled up, revealing a monster. The huge, beastly head shot up and stared blankly at him. Jecht was in there somewhere, but it was hard to believe that this giant terror was his father. He swiftly ran back to the others, all who were bewildered, except perhaps Auron. It roared, leaping up onto the platform and towering menacingly above them.

_I'm really doing this?_

He drew his sword and held it, angling it toward Braska's Final Aeon. It was better to think of him that way.

"I promise, this will be quick! Hit me with all you've got, Dad!"

They rushed forward in unison, all unleashing attacks at practically the same time. Yuna shouted out to them, preparing a summoning. "Everyone, get back!" Then she danced, Tidus immediately recognized it as Bahamut's call. His suspicions were confirmed when the great winged beast descended from the sky, landing with a thundering cry, and unleashing his unimaginable power in the form of a single attack, Mega Flare. Tidus forced himself to watch, though it felt like he was being beaten too.

_I have to be strong._

Yuna called Bahamut away, Braska's Aeon lunged and swept his enormous claws at Wakka, who was struck on the thigh. Realizing that this would take not only strength, but also speed, Tidus cast Hastega on the party, feeling the warmth of the spell engulf him and quicken his step. Auron charged at Jecht, unleashing Banishing Blade. Taking advantage of the distraction, Tidus launched himself at the Aeon, slashing it with a powerful blow. Enraged, it tried to swipe him, but he ducked away. Meanwhile, with its other claw, it was trying with all its might to hurt Yuna, but she managed to roll away, time and time again. He didn't know if this would work, but he had to do something.

"I won't lose!" he shouted, hoping that Jecht would hear him. Upon hearing his voice, the beastly eyes softened, if only a little. While it was distracted, Lulu unleashed two consecutive Ultima spells, toppling the beast with a pained roar. Tidus sighed inwardly, but it wasn't over yet. It changed before his eyes, reaching into its chest and mightily pulling out an enormous sword, somehow becoming more frightening as another form took shape.

_Oh dad, why did it come to this? Don't think just act,_ He told himself fiercely.

He hastily hurled a Flare at it, while Jecht powered up, preparing to launch his Jecht Beam. Tidus, seeing this, tried to distract him. "You won't beat me this time!" But his words didn't seem to reach him. Jecht unleashed the attack on his own son, the powerful beam hitting him head on and instantly causing agonizing pain to erupt on his arm and the right side of his chest. The pain was incredible; he scrambled to get up, but not quickly enough. _I'm going to die_. Tidus surprised himself with how calm he was, staring into his father's empty eyes.

Jecht had almost dealt the last blow when Auron appeared out of nowhere, saving his life once again.Sighing with relief, he slumped over on thr ground. _Thanks Auron…_His father really was long gone if he had almost killed his own flesh and blood.

_He can't hear me, he's so far gone. Far away._

"Tidus!" Yuna screamed as she rushed toward him, kneeling at his side.

"I'm alright." The pain was awful, but he could ignore it. Yuna helped him up, hugging him tenderly, and he brushed his fingers across her face, tipping her chin up to press a gentle kiss upon her lips. He decided then that he should be the one to deal the final blow; his dad deserved that much. He turned his eyes toward his father, willing them to convey the message to Jecht, making sure he could understand. _If he can see me…_

Not allowing himself time to have second thoughts, he rushed forward, readying himself for his Blitz Ace limit.

"I hate you!" As he dealt the first blow.

"I hate you!" _I have to make myself believe it._

More slashing. "I hate you, hate you, hate you!" He forced himself to do so, flying through the air to kick the thrown blitzball. "Die!"

_I can't believe I just said that…_

The Aeon seemed to stumble; bellowing in anguish as the slain beast fell, reverting into its original form. His fathers form. Jecht fell to his knees, and Tidus rushed forward at the last second to catch him in a loving embrace, the last they would share. Tidus eased him slowly onto his lap, and his dad looked up at him, haunted eyes lingering guiltily on the wounds the Jecht shot had inflicted. The tears came then, for he was unable to hold them back any longer.

_I've killed you and I hate it…_

"You'll cry. You're gonna cry. You always cry. See, you're cryin'." Jecht, with a faint twinkle in his eyes, smiled softly, seemingly at peace with himself and his fate.

"I hate you, dad."

_But I love you, I admit it now. That's why I cry for you, and I'd give you life if I could._ Jecht cocked his head, as if puzzled by how much his son cared that he was at death's grim door.

"Save it for later." Jecht's voice grew fainter with every ragged breath. Tidus set him down, swiping the tears off his cheeks.

"Right. We have a job to do, don't we?"

Jecht struggled to lift himself, looked upon Tidus with pride. "Good, that's right. You are my son, after all."

Tidus watched Jecht's face, noticed him struggling for words, but he knew what they would be. Auron was right. In the Macalania Woods Braska's former guardian had stood, saying to him in a quiet voice, "Jecht loved you." _Now I know it's true._ Tidus nodded ever so slightly, telling him he understood.

"You know, for the first time I'm glad…"

_Tell him now._

"…to have you as my father."

Jecht smiled, averted his eyes, and gave an embarrassed chuckle.

Yuna stepped forward hesitantly and spoke. "Sir Jecht, I should…"

"No Yuna, there's no time!

Yu Yevon circled around them, and enraged, Tidus shouted, "You stay away!"

"You know what to do." Jecht continued. "The Aeons…" The fayth appeared behind them and spoke, "We Aeons." Jecht said now, "Call them!" He stared hard at her, looked upon Tidus once more, but then he was gone, his pyreflies evaporating into the air as if he had never been there at all. Call them! Jecht's last words rang on in his head, and were repeated by the boy, Bahamut, "Call us!" He ordered urgently.

_I don't have much time now…_he sighed with sorrow, for he would have to leave his love, so soon it was painful. He felt like crying again, but instead he took Yuna's hand and whispered words of encouragement. "You can do it, Yuna." She took a breath and nodded. Tidus looked once more at the spot where he'd once lain.

No reason to be sad. He'd follow soon enough.

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What do you think? Please review! I always appreciate it when someone reads my stories, but I'd get more out of it if I knew what you thought. Make sure you check out the one I've written from Jecht's POV, titled I Love You (But What Do I Say?) I'd really appreciate it if you checked it out. Flames are welcome too, so if there's something you don't like, don't be shy, I can take the criticism!

_12-6-09: _I edited this just now to fix the grammar and the wording in some places because I wasn't quite happy with it. Just thought I'd mention that


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